hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
