I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
