Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
