I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
