It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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