i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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