Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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