She's JV to your varsity
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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