I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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