i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
