Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
