i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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