its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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