just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
