So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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