We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
