You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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