u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
