it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I haven't been this sober since birth.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
