On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
