no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
