goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
it's like iHOP with fire
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
