It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
