i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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