that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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