she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
