we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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