my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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