my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
he fucked my hip out of place.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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