I'm drive I can fine osifer
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
