Sry I called you an 8
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
