Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
i've created a new STD.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
