pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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