So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
