I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
