I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
