by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
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