If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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