OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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