So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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