I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
