I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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