So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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