6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
