If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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