i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
