Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
