My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
