I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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