Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
