shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
