I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
