Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
