the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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