Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
