i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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