We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
